To my /former/ friends,

Okay, I’m letting this all out in the open, besides, there are always two sides to every story.

To my friends–former friends? I don’t know, whatever, specifically: Fiona, Abigail, Kaisha, and Ayen.

Years have been good to us, that I sincerely want to thank you for every little thing that we guys have. With every problem that we faced together, with every experience, with every laughter and every tear, with every heartbreak, and with every honest conversation that we all have.

Years have been good to us, that I was not sure if I could ever imagine my life without you in it, I was not sure if I was capable to function without you guys supporting me; honestly? I was not sure if I even wanted to go on with my life without each of your presence.

Years have been good to us, that we have had ups and downs in which we were able to cope with. Those downs that strengthened the bond that we have. Those ups that made us feel like we were always on top of the world. Yes, with every high and every low, we have been there for each other all throughout.

Years have been good to us, that it only takes us to look at each other to know that there is something wrong, that there is something that needed fixing. That look, that look that we have when we know when to open our mouths and when to keep it shut.

Years have been good to us, that the universe decided that it is time to drift apart.

Years have been good to us, that I thank God for letting what happened, happen.

To Fiona, you were my soul sister. You were one of the best things that happened to me, so thank you. Despite our flaws, despite our differences, we have managed to overcome those, and believe me when I say this, having you in my life was feeling like I could do anything because I know that you would always be there. We clicked, Fiona. Somehow, you and I have become I and you. Thank you.

To Abigail, Kaisha, and Ayen, you were the people who always stayed neutral in every fight that we guys have. You were the ones who always knew what to say. You were the calm in the storm. And thank you for that, you guys were what we needed in our friendship.

But, you guys are not perfect as well. You are not as clean as you think you guys are. I’m leaving this out in the open, because you do not have the courtesy to listen in private. You don’t know how to keep your minds open—you’re wrapped up in your own little bubble wherein you don’t care what or who you sabotage. Or, I don’t know? Maybe, I’m wrong, maybe you are just overwhelmed with the new attention? With the new friendship that you guys have formed with others. However, if that is the case, don’t you think that it is just a little offensive to ditch your favorite toy for a new one?

Fiona, I have put up with your shit, so don’t go telling everybody that it was you who put up with mine. You and I both know that you have demons that you can’t escape. Don’t go telling everybody that they should pity you because “your best friend doesn’t understand,” Fio, I kept on understanding you until the day we stopped talking. Right from the start—from Patrick (whom I even took the blame for you, just so you could continue your shenanigans with him), to Gred, and now to Jai, I understood how you will keep on choosing them over your friends, I understood how you will keep on telling other people stuff about me—which, by the way, are mostly lies. And I understood why you did all of that, because you need validation. You needed validation ever since I’ve met you, you’ve become somebody you’re not because you want others to like you. You even tried so hard to do things that could suit you—but, Fiona, stop it. You are a child that could not be satisfied not unless everyone bows in front you. You have always needed validation so, yes. I understand you because you need my understanding.

Ayen, our sweet dear Ayen, I only want to say two things to you: less talk less mistake, and if you wanna say something, make sure it’s right (we all know what happened that time you said something that went way overboard).

Kaisha, Kisha, if you want to attack a person’s argument, then attack the person’s argument not the person himself / herself, that’s ad hominem. And please, don’t meddle into someone else’s business that does not concern you (pang-kanto term: wag kang makisawsaw) It tends to get a little bit too messy.

Abigail, Jerlin, I don’t even know why I included you here, but, I guess I just have to tell you one thing, guide them. Please, especially Fiona, she needs a bit pushing. And I hope you will never get tired of listening to every problem that they have, they look up to you.

To make thing clear, no, I’m not saying that I am perfect, I know that, somehow, at some point, I’m also at fault here. It’s just that, I let it all out in the open because you’ve had your piece. You pointed out, reiterated (actually), every mistake that I have in my life. You already slapped my flaws right into my face, so yes, I don’t need a repeat of that. I know everything that I have done wrong, so no need to rub it in.

I hope that the four of you can be as tight as possible. And please, don’t be fake to each other, for you only have yourselves left. After all, you and I both know that there are many… many things that you say and said that could actually ruin your friendship, if and only if each of you knows it. So, please. Just be there for each other and stay happy. And also, don’t judge as harsh as you do. You never know what’s going on in someone’s life.

PS: for the record? We did not judge you. Most especially, I DID NOT JUDGE YOU OR WHATEVER LIFESTYLE YOU GUYS HAVE. And if I were to judge you, trust me, I’d be more harsh.

PPS: and Fiona, I also did not diagnose or say that your boyfriend has a mental disorder, you were the one who told me that he has one of those, and that most of his friends also have mental disorders. So yup, it came from you, not from me (we were in the car when you told me, if you can’t remember)

PPPS: Kaisha, if you want to use ad hominem, I advice that you go back through our conversation and check your grammar (eg. subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, et cetera). 

I know this does not clarify about what happened anything at all, we know that you might probably misunderstood my side yet again, so what’s the point? I’m tired of explaining what happened on my part of the story, and I think this already suffice?

I did this only now, because somehow, the issue has laid low, the anger stopped (well, for me—I hold no grudges anymore), and I think that this will not cloud your understanding yet again. This will be the last time that you will hear me bringing up what happened, (because for sure, sasabihin niyo na naman “hala affected pa rin siya,” uhm no, this was my only chance kasi kinuha niyo lahat eh hehehe).

And lastly, for god’s sake, stop being petty!

I hope you guys all the best and good luck with your every endeavor in life. And thank you, thank you for everything, I truly loved each one of you.

♡ Cel

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